i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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