I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
