I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
