I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
