had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
