When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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