i just had sex bonerless
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
