I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
