when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
