Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
