It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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