If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
