i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
