She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You are the jesus of drinking
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
