I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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