ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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