he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
