I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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