Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
