ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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