We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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