I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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