You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
