My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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