His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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