Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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