i just google imaged poop.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
