She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
