If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
