So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
