Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
