We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
