Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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