i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
