How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
don't judge my taste in strippers
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