We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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