oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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