I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
