I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
