don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
