bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
