you traded sex for a burrito?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize