so explain again why im purple
no
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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