sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
