hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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