we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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