Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
