went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
