WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This girl is more easily done than said...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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