So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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