David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
