Don't make out with my wife yet
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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