Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
