Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
