There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
