Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
