I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
