8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
