Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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