I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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