Im at strip club and am horny
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
