This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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