I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
pop tarts are not kleenex
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
