Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
