she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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