Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize