You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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