i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
